she told me i tasted like america
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize