i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
