dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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