I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
