It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
