I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
