Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need a beard to bite.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
