College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I won the penis lottery.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
