Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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