I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
