This girl is more easily done than said...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
