I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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