12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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