You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
