I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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