All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
