Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
