I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
