I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
