I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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