Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
then he tried to convert me to islam
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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