you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
