I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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