Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize