# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
