hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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