Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
