After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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