Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
