I love black thongs
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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