It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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