I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
