Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
