Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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