I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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