Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
