he puts the penis in happiness.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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