soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
whose parrot is this?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
