Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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