I can't watch pbs sober anymore
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
