they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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