god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
