HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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