brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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