I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
