We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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