nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
