For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
