My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
