I wanna bring you to show and tell
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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