You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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