idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
