I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
