i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just had sex on a roof
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
