Say something about gay babies.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
