hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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