what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
