I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
