She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
