ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
