you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
