And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
