we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
