halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think people are normalizing furries
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize