I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
