Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
