Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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