2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone came in the potted fern
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
