I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
