??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize