I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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