I am puke
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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